Grantwriter's Agony

February 18, 2010

The worst possible score to receive on your NIH grant application is:
Triage: Grrrrr, wasn’t even discussed so your fate rested on the three assigned reviewers only. No chance whatsoever of Program picking it up as a funding exception. Gaaaah, the AGONY!!!!
Above published or assumed payline, well into the grey zone: Arrrgh. I know it isn’t going to fund but…..but…..Program might pick it up! The might ask for a rebuttal! Please, oh, please an R56 Bridge? Call the PO just so I can hear the Program Zombie Mantra? AIIIIEEEEE!!!!
Pick your poison.

No Responses Yet to “Grantwriter's Agony”

  1. zoubl Says:

    I just had a grant that was scored in previous rounds, but triaged in its final round (A2). The program officer was also UNassigned from this proposal days before the study section meeting. Whatsup with that? No summary statements yet, so I have no idea what happened.

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  2. I don’t even give a fuck anymore what some douchebags on study section think about my applications. I just wanna see the fucking money.

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  3. zoubl Says:

    Unfortunately, we can’t get the fucking money unless the douchebags on the study section like your work.

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  4. Lorax Says:

    After 3 triages I just want one fucking grant discussed.

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  5. DrugMonkey Says:

    The program officer was also UNassigned from this proposal days before the study section meeting.
    IME, preliminary scores are due approximately one week before the study section meets. It could very well be that Program figured that the apps fate was sealed after the prelim scores were in. Or, they were shuffling people in Program (they change jobs, retire, etc, like anywhere else) and it just happened to be then.
    Rarely, the app can be pulled by program at any time because they decide that no matter what the score, they aren’t interested in funding it. I’ve seen this happen from the review side of the table.

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  6. disinterested grantee Says:

    Sorry Lorax. You have to keep trying until you get your 14th proposal triaged. Then you can have your *F* grant discussed but no *F* money. How about that ?

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  7. Unfortunately, we can’t get the fucking money unless the douchebags on the study section like your work.

    Didn’t you read the fucking post? DoucheMonkey is asking about our different feelings about different review outcomes, all of which, however, involve not getting funded. To simplify what I’m saying, since you obviously have a fucking problem with reading comprehension, is that if the fucking grant doesn’t get fucking funded, I don’t have any different feelings about different review outcomes. Capisce?

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  8. anon-HAHAHA Says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAH
    Who’s *F*Capisce ?. That’s not in the urban dictionary.

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  9. Peter Says:

    One thing I don’t understand is why other panel members get to vote on grants they are not assigned to. Since they usually don’t read those proposals, why we need their opinions? Why not just count votes from the three reviewers.

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  10. whimple Says:

    The three reviewers are a bunch of idiots too. Why not just throw the proposals in a bin a draw lots for cash?

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  11. JohnV Says:

    I like that system whimple :p

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  12. ginger Says:

    It’d save a lot of money on airfare and admin assistance, too.

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  13. I’m currently in the “above published payline but close enough to potentially benefit from a PO who’s feeling kind” zone. PLEEEEEEEEEEEEASE fund my grant. You know you want to.

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  14. antipodean Says:

    If there’s no money then it’s kind of like arguing the difference between an F- and an F+.
    Either way you failed to get any cash.

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