Oh yeah?

March 3, 2009

Overheard on the local playground:
Wackaballoon: “Oh yeah?”
Twerp: “Yeah!”
W: “Nuh-uh”
T: “Uh-huh! Twice!”
W: “Yeah, well yer daddy is an Assistant Adjunct Research Professor!”
T: “Yeah? Well, yo momma is an Adjunct Research Assistant Professor….in Reeesssideeence!

W: “Well yo momma only had three first-author papers as a poooost-doc!”
T: “Anyway, yer daddy is a postdoc!”
W: “…at least he doesn’t publish in Acta Scandinavica…like yo momma!”
T: “I hear yer daddy contaminates his samples”
W: “At least he didn’t have to retract a paper, like yer daddy!”
T: “Oh yeah? Well yo momma ‘forgets’ her negative controls!”
W: “Yo momma doesn’t know what a ‘control’ is!”
T: “At least she doesn’t Photoshop on the error bars like yer daddy…”
W: “Yer daddy thinks ‘p value’ is measured in milliliters!”
T: “Yo momma
SchoolMarm: “Okay children, back inside!”

Ahh, kids these days….
/shakes head
/walks off

No Responses Yet to “Oh yeah?”

  1. Science dozens!! I love it!


  2. Nat Says:

    But hey, my kids’ daddy is a post-doc. That a problem?


  3. DM: you need to get out of your office for a while and breathe some fresh air!


  4. Dr A Says:

    I think I overheard the same conversation during “Social Hour” at the last conference I attended. OK every conference I’ve attended.


  5. Beaker Says:

    Yo mama’s so old she still run her own sequencing gels


  6. antipodean Says:

    Hey! Stop knocking Scandinavica…


  7. Matthew Says:

    3 first authors is bad? That seems good.


  8. Nat Says:

    Yeah, and yer daddy’s so old, he still controls his patch clamp (built in the lab) with a PDP-11!
    Take that!


  9. Courtney Says:

    Oh, and if you liked that, you may also like The Big Bang Theory on tv….


  10. Your momma’s so old she still does her PCR on a Robocycler!


  11. *Your* momma’s so old, she does her PCR using an undergrad and three water baths!


  12. Your mama’s so old she still purifies her own enzymes!


  13. Dave Says:

    Your momma’s not only old, she’s so evolutionarily ancient that RdRp is her only polymerase and it’s not even a thermotolerant strain!
    This thread makes me weep. If I honestly found any of this funny I’d shoot myself.
    How about this one? Heard this one…?
    A bacterial geneticist, patch-clamp electrophysiologist, and a pregnant nun walk into a bar…
    Wait. No, it’s a YEAST geneticist, patch-clamp electrophysiologist, and pregnant nun. Hold on. The nun’s not pregnant. She has a cold sore. Or was that the electrophysiologist? Shit. I can’t remember. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. They walk into a bar, and… Uh… Have you heard this one? There’s a parrot at the end, and he says… He says…
    Oh, wait…
    Fuck it.


  14. Dave Says:

    Your mama’s so old she still purifies her own enzymes!

    Am I the only one who’s ever done this? Especially before the taq patent expired? It’s CHEAP! All you need is the clone. Not that we save any money, because although I have a century’s worth of taq in the -80, everyone in the lab still insists on genotyping with expensive commercial low processivity error checking polymerases! Bugs the hell out of me.


  15. NeuroPostdoc Says:

    your mama’s so old she still uses switch clamp!!


  16. *Your* momma’s so old, she does her PCR using an undergrad and three water baths!

    Holy fuck! This is how Isis learned PCR. FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!


  17. Am I the only one who’s ever done this?
    our lab’s done it!
    Our purified enzyme lives in the -80 in a box labeled “taqeria”. The aliquots are called “taqitos”. Get it?
    Geez, I crack myself up sometimes. How sad.


  18. The following is a conversation that actually happened when I was at school. I was one of the participants.
    Your IQ is zero.
    Your IQ is zero point zero.
    Your IQ is zero point zero times ten to the minus infinity.
    Your IQ is minus zero point zero times ten to the minus infinity.
    Your IQ is minus zero point zero times ten to the minus infinity i.
    Yours is just i. At least mine’s a real number.


  19. Interestingly, CPP and Isis, Ken Kinzler built something between the three waterbath/undergrad unit and fancy thermocyclers. From The Scientist, 11 April 2005:
    In the late ’80s, Kinzler assembled a homemade PCR “robot” out of “three water baths, a broom handle, a solenoid from a washing machine, and a little timer,” says Vogelstein. Rubber bands attached a test tube rack to the broom handle and Kinzler programmed the contraption to dip the tubes in the baths, which were set at different temperatures.
    “It really worked,” says Baker, who used the device to verify p53 mutations in cancer cells. “We had it for months before we were able to get a real, commercially produced PCR machine in to do the experiments.”


  20. Abel – We still have a manufactured version of that in our lab…the Robocycler. It uses three different heat blocks rather than water baths but the mechanics are the same. No seriously.
    For some of our PCR protocols it produces more consistent results than the fancy new-fangled HotBonnet single block machines so we keep it around.


  21. Will TS Says:

    I like my Robocycler. But then, I’m sooo old…


  22. Monado Says:

    Hell, my obsolete skills include unjamming the card punch.


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